I can’t decide if this is an evocation or a summoning. What am i doing, where am I going? What will I find when i get there?_

Dr Madeleine says that I am creating a ‘process of recollection’, that this is an experimental technique of drawing repressed memories forward to the present moment through ‘tangential response to visual digital stimuli.’ By intuitively responding to the this stimuli - basically random art work that I find by scrolling through Instagram - and putting those responses down here in words, I am creating ‘gateways towards accuracy’ which is her convoluted way to saying that I’m getting closer to remembering what actually happened back then._

What happened to The Chemical Spray. Dr Madeleine says that I am like a broken camera. My focus oscillates from a diffuse blur of vaguely remembered events, more like shapes and colours, to moments where I can see the tiniest minutiae from a scene, like the gooseflesh on Parker’s shoulder in that last moment before the band would take the stage._ - So I’m a broken camera._ - It’s an analogy, Buster. You’re perfectly fine, you’re just in a process of remembering a very traumatic event that your mind has hidden from you for many years._ - So I’m like RoboCop then and you’re helping me recalibrate my aim. You’re Officer Anne Lewis. - I’m not sure that I can use a likeness to RoboCop in any professional assessment, Buster. - what you’re really saying is that you’ve never seen RoboCop. - that is true. I have never seen that movie._ - Oh. My. God! Dr Madeleine, what is going on? How is that possible?! - i fail to see how any of this is germain to what we’re discussing here.